With Love And Squalor
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About: I'm just a 22 year old girl trying to take things day by day and learning to value each moment for what it is. I originally started this blog when I was in a very bad place in my life and saw myself primarily as a maladjusted, very dependent and ill young woman. I'm nowhere near perfect and I falter, but I've learned a lot about who I am, and where I'm going, and I am constantly trying to grow more. I am a writer, words are my passion, and I need them like oxygen. I'm also very passionate about issues regarding women, and am currently working on a research project at my university that focuses on disclosure methods among survivors of sexual assault. I post a lot of my own work on here, I'll post about my research as it goes through the many processes required by the university, and I post art that inspires me. I'm still in the process of recovery and getting my life together, and if you ask I will probably tell you more about that, but I feel that my experiences thus far in life can be used to help other people and painful as they may have been, they have made me into the person I am today. Because I know I'll be asked, I am NOT a survivor myself, I just have many loved ones who are.

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you care about this shit

I’m extraordinarily bored okay?

I can’t get to sleep without: Ambien, Ativan, Seroquel, Benadryl, Ny-Quil, or some fantastic combination of all of these.

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be: a book, a journal, a pen, sunglasses, boots, skinny jeans, and an interesting sweater

I have an irrational fear of: taking up too much space

At my grandparents house I usually eat: Italian

When I was born I weighed: less than I do now.

I am most opposed to: ignorance

On myspace I like to stalk: Who uses myspace?

I am too old to be: collecting Pokemon cards, but I don’t really care.

I find the thought of childbirth: the end of a 9 month long necessity.

Next door to my house is: Another house

My feet are: the same size as they were when I was 10.

My preferred style of jeans are: skinny jeans

I know how to cook: I can cook the shit out of vegetables.

I am annoyed at: myself

Men should always: I don’t know, maybe be considerate.

Women should never: be clingy and catty and needy

The scariest sea creature is: I think the scary ones are pretty awesome

The world is over populated with: ignorant people.

I recently broke: Someone’s heart. Oh, so cliche.

I last cried because: I don’t know, I can’t cry anymore.

I would like to be in an advertisement for: Being awesome.

My favorite shoes are: I love boots. High, low, tall, heels, flats, I just love boots.

My mothers’ greatest fear is: I don’t know…many things?

When I think of Full House: I don’t.

Whats your middle name?  Alexandra and I adore it.

How big is your bed?  It’s a twin, but I’m small, it’s cool.

What are you listening to right now?  I have “chillwave” typed into my iTunes, so…there ya go.

What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?  No

What was the last thing you ate?  Grapes =)

Last person you hugged?  Ehhhh…

How is the weather right now?  The sun is shining.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?  My mom.

What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?  Eyes, always, always eyes.

Favorite type of Food.   Fruit

Do you want children?  Yes, probably just one.

Do you drink?  No, I mean, I will, I just don’t really enjoy it.

Ever get so drunk you don’t remember the entire night?  No.

Hair colour?  Brown with a little red.

Eye colour?  Blue

Do you wear contacts/glasses?  I spent a ridiculous amount of money on some Dior frames with clear glass because I think glasses are a fantastic accessory.

Favorite holiday?  Christmas

Favorite Season?  Autumn

Have you ever cried over a girl/boy?  In high school

Last Movie you Watched?  Wristcutters

What books are you reading?  The Metamorphosis by Kafka.

Piercings?  5 in each ear

Favorite Movie?  Into The Whild

Favorite college football Team?  UCLA

What were you doing before filling this out?  Listening to music, which I happen to still be doing.

Any pets?  A cat, but she lives with my mom

Dogs or cats?  Cats. I hate dogs.

Favorite Flower?  Red Rose

Have you ever loved someone?  I DO love many people. I HAVE been in love in the past.

Who would you like to see right now?  MY BROTHER NOW PLEASE.

Have you ever fired a gun?  No

Do you like to travel by plane?  Never have

Right-handed or Left-handed?  Right

If you could go to any place right now where would you go?  My mom’s house and I would sit on the couch with her with some tea and talk for hours.

Are you missing someone?  My parents and my brother.

Do you have a tattoo?  I do, I do.

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?  When I had a TV I watched Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh. And Yo Gabba Gabba. Yeah, I’m 22. So What?

Are you hiding something from someone?  Oh always.

ARE YOU 18?  I’m 22

WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?  My brother and me.

DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?  God, no.

FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING?  I guess I’m not going to work.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE?  Let’s see. Currently, a bottle of water, an empty cup, two candles, a stapler, a pen, some make-up, an air freshener, some letters and a sunglasses case. None of those are very “handy” things though except the pen.

GRILLED OR FRIED?  grilled

WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE?  everything

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?  No, I take walks in the middle of the night.

FAVORITE HANGOUT?  Somewhere with nice people.

3 THINGS YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT?  family, music, writing

FAVORITE SONG?  You Won’t Know by Brand New, but I have a lot, really.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?  Everything. No, I mean that’s true to an extent, but mostly ending up in places I’ve been before in my life.

ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER?  I’m extremely emotionally giving, but I think I take a lot from people emotionally too.

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?  Natattack. Yeah, it’s an awesome nickname.

FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL?  I watch TV like for two months out of the year. IDK

WHO’S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER?  AT&T and I hate them, but I wanted an iPhone, and this was back in the day.

FIRST THING YOU’LL SAVE IN A FIRE?  Matierial? My laptop.

Whats your favorite color?  Green

WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU?  My phone, iPod, gum, cigarettes, tea bags, splenda, a journal and whatever book I am reading.

WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?  a teacher.

WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 11:11?  make a wish. I’m lame.

THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS? What are sheets? I have a gratuitous amount of blankets on my bed, some of which serve as sheets because they are buried so far beneath the more accessible blankets.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED? I contemplate my existence and the purpose of humanity and the future of myself and everyone I know. Or if I’ve really taken a good mixture of things, I just sort of fall into a coma.

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