blue ink on water
that’s about as clear as it gets
broke something tiny in half
and it made a big deal
to the voices on the other end
so caring and kind
and rational and sweet
while my head is falling into my feet
and they’re wondering what’s wrong with me
but not too much
not tonight
as long as i get the order of the words right
it doesn’t matter what they mean
because i don’t mean a damn thing
lights to the side
i half hope they’ll help me die
but they’re gone too fast
and they were probably
caring and kind
and rational and sweet
to each other at least
which doesn’t concern me
take the half and make it whole
and that really throws me down the rabbit hole
but it must have felt okay
because i woke up today
to hit rewind and repeat
on some ambiguous machine
i assume that we call life
which i thought was more or less organic
but i guess it’s generally robotic
isn’t that an ugly truth?
but I’m an ugly girl behind these eyes
they’re just big and beautiful lies
i was supposed to be getting clean
but i made a bigger mess
and i think the decay looks nice
but no one else agrees
and if they ever see
i’m sure they’ll chastise me
but i don’t leave this room too much
except under glaring lights
and hideous sirens
which i know they hope
will be the last time
and i don’t think they mean
they want to see me happy
just really far beneath the surface
and they can practice their mediocre acting
so caring and kind
and rational and sweet.